Female Friends
September 2nd, 2006 | by Vinny |I have some female friends.
O.K. I have many female friends. As a matter of fact, if I were to enumerate my friends, they would be almost exclusively female. With the exception of one guy who was Wife’s friend first, one who I met at work, and another I’ve had forever, the rest are all women.
I don’t have a problem with it, but Wife is not too thrilled. She jokes about it, but I always wonder how she really feels. When she started reading my blog, one of the first questions she asked about the folks I ‘blog with’ was if any of them were cute women. She asked the same of the folks in my new office.
What’s interesting is the fact that I prefer to read blogs by women. My blogroll here is almost exclusively women. Championable, Quarter Life and Blogfathers are the only exceptions. Men seem to write about tech a lot (as I do on my other blog) but they don’t get into family, life, and themselves.
I enjoy that. I like to get inside of others, and I like to show what I have going on inside. That may be why I enjoy being with women. I like the deep conversations. I enjoy the emotional aspect. The candor with which they speak.
The women I am friendly with tend to have male friends themselves. Many of them. They don’t have many female friends. They seem to get along better with men. Is that a thing with women?
I sometimes wonder if it’s because of my background. I spent a lot of time in the arts when I was growing up. I was involved in theater, dance, and music. I’m not gay, but I suppose many of the things I did are the kinds of things that guys who ended up gay did as they were growing up. It sounds kind of weird. I’m not Frank from “Trading Spaces”, but I am kind of artsy.
I worry that Son goes through the same things. He has a group of female friends that he clicks with. They are not classmates, because he has yet to fall in with a group of girls at school, but he has plenty of male friends at school. I worry that he is sensitive, he is into the arts, and he will suffer as a result.
I spent a lot of time as I was growing up being called “gay” and “fag.” What was funny was that I was… active at the time. I knew I wasn’t. Guys will be guys, though, and I was gay in their eyes. We didn’t call them “beards” then, but I guess that was their thought. It wasn’t true.
I know Son gets a lot of crap about who he is. He’s not yet comfortable with the dating scene (he’s 13!) and he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Some of his friends do, but his best friend doesn’t yet. I worry that they will leave him behind, and he will begin to endure the stuff I had to endure.
Now that I think about it, I wonder if THAT is the reason I do not get along with a lot of men. I’m not into organized sports, I’m not competitive, and I don’t give a damn who you spend the night with. If you score, I’m happy for you. I don’t care which goal you’re shooting for.
Sorry for the rambling post, but I was in touch with 2 of my college friends, and both are female. I probably would not have spent the time if Wife were home. She’s working, and I didn’t have to feel guilty.
Maybe I do anyway.
8 Responses to “Female Friends”
By on Sep 3, 2006 | Reply
Vincenzo, I don’t there is anything unusual about the fact that you have female friends. In fact, because of who I am, and what MY interests are, almost all of the men I know fit into some of the traits you listed in yourself…they enjoy conversation, they are artistic, techies, NOT sports fanatics,etc.
My husband shares these things in common with you, and being a techie, tends to struggle with finding friends, period. I actually try to encourage any friends who contact him - even if they are female and even ex-girlfriends. It might make me a little nervous sometimes, from the wife perspective, but we all NEED our touchstones in life, no matter the sex.
As for as your son - even if he unfortunately might go through some tough name-calling, etc…as long as he is true to himself, that is utimately all that matters. And besides, look how great you turned out! But I’m biased…being one of your female friends, and all!
By on Sep 3, 2006 | Reply
The problem is that people will always make certain assumptions because it’s convenient for them. If a guy has too many female friends he is assumed to be sleeping with them or gay. If a woman has too many male friends…she is MUST be sleeping with them. :sigh
I think I’m a tad more tolerant of people having been on the wrong end of those sweeping generalizations. Is that the chicken or the egg?
And for me the result was I married someone who has more female friends than male, isn’t into competitive sports and is one of the rare men who has remained friends with many of his exgirlfriends… and I am perfectly fine with that…Thanks to some great male friends I’ve had in my life (thank you!).
Hopefully, your son will be as lucky as we’ve been. Friendships needn’t be defined by (or limited to) those that share the same X or Y Chromosomes. Those that think they should are missing out.
By on Sep 3, 2006 | Reply
I think that, speaking very generally, women tend to be better at keeping in touch over long periods of time. Some of my husband’s oldest best friends are women, and I think part of the reason is that they reciprocate his efforts at staying in touch. Doesn’t bother me at all (and I hope it doesn’t bother him that I have a lot of male friends, in addition to my female friends).
I have to say, though, that I have always been wary of women who seem to brag about the fact that they had all male friends and no female friends. As if the entire female sex was somehow weird and beneath them… even though they themselves are women.
By on Sep 7, 2006 | Reply
Well what’s funny is that I had a lot of male friends growing up because I love things like football and “guy” stuff. My best friend is the only girl friend I had while growing up. We were the same in almost every way and we hung out with all boys, all the time. Plus girls never really liked us, especially in our 20’s. Now that I am older I have increased my female friend population…my husband is happy about that one. I don’t know if I have a point, I just wanted to ramble in my comment like you did in your post! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I do know where you are coming from though…my husband has a lot of girls that are friends (that he’s had since high school) and that’s fine with me because I become friends with them too, and besides, I’m so much hotter than any of them! AHAHAHA!
By on Sep 7, 2006 | Reply
Yeah. Sometimes they come out fully formed, and sometimes they come out as an idea here.. and an idea there… you know how it is.
By on Sep 22, 2006 | Reply
Hmm. Hmmmm.
I have a lot of female friends… and although I have no plans to actually do so, I kinda want to sleep with all of them.
Now, that has nothing to do with whether or not the friendships are valid, but it does mean I have to watch my ass very closely.
On the whole, I just like women better. I don’t connect with dudes as well. But that’s changing, little by slow. I think, as you kind of said, that I had to find the right KIND of dudes.
Glad I found your blog. Consider your ass blogrolled.
Rock on.
By on Dec 21, 2006 | Reply
See, that’s a good thing…having more women as friends! Also having more gay men as friends too…dude, we have insight to both men and women minds that will just make you all the wiser!
As a gay guy…I like girls better to…there is just something about talking about tight jeans then to the reason we are the way we are all in one conversation.
It makes you a diverse person
By on Jan 11, 2007 | Reply
Very interesting site… I wish I could build one like yours!nancy